and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
did i just pee glitter
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
