I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
