But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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