you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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