I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
