Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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