kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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