My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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