i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your shirt... Was in my pants
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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