it hurts more in the daytime
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
