did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
