We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
