HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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