...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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