Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
