Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He did a backflip because drugs
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