Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
