My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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