I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize