We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
