i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
