...so i touched it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
