No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
