drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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