Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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