R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
