Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize