So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
