so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
