now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
