i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
