Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
