my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
