I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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