i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
