you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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