note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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