remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
