there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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