you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
