don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
