yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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