YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize