New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
