You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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