So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize