Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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