Don't make out with my wife yet
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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