just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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