Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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