you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
