best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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