Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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