It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
