Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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