my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
