I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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