apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
