Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
