I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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