Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
