He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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