even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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