Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
