I'm passing your future prison.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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