Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
