My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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