i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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