i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
