Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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