I think my vagina is haunted
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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