he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
