I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize