He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
