i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
