I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize