I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
