Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
this is an emotional support booty call
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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