He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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