Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
