last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
