Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
