Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
