So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
