You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
