i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
