remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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