So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize