Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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