Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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