mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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