just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
