She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
