oh god the rape fog is back!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
