That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
