I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He better not be in your backpack
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
