Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you had me at cake vodka
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
