I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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