Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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