ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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