is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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