and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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