You made me cry and you don't even care
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
